Wednesday

He is My 'More' | Day Three

There’s a difference between knowing about Jesus and knowing Him. None of us who are seeking will ever feel like we have fully ‘arrived’, but we will always be drawing ever closer. As we draw closer, we realize that Jesus himself is the one who is drawing us closer to Him. John writes, ‘We love because He first loved us.” Indeed, we could never know Jesus if he never chose to disclose revelation of Himself to us. But he chose to love us, reveal himself and his purposes to us. What wonder, what hope, what life, what truth, what grace!

It has been a most illuminating time – the past two weeks – as I have been studying at Bible College. Indeed, the more that you ‘know’, the more you find out that you do not know. Really, the well is deep beyond reaching the deepest part of it. And that’s the wonder, the excitement, the thrill, the challenge, that calls for our whole hearts and devotion and love. It is a humbling process. I am learning so much, asking so many questions, and above all, learning to listen. Since Sunday, I decided to stop Facebook and all interactions on my phone for the time being until I sort out the issue of ‘distraction’ in my life. It is a simple thing, but I found it a profoundly powerful exercise. It is a new habit I am learning to form – the art of focus and utmost focus on one thing and one thing alone. When I am reading, I am reading and soaking in what I am reading to the full. When I am writing, I am utterly engrossed in what I am writing and thinking. When I am playing the piano, I totally immersed in the music – every note, every nuance. When I am talking to God and listening to his still, small voice in my thoughts and spirit, I am listening so much better – because the distractions are fading out now. But let me tell you, I fail. I am never utterly focused. So I want to be.  The last few days have been immensely rewarding and refreshing – all because I completely stopped using Facebook. A simple thing, no?

I believe the problem is not Facebook at all. It is my own attitude towards potential distraction. I let it distract me. Now if I were to use Facebook again (which I haven’t felt the need to, for some amazing reason), I would be logging in with a totally new mindset. I won’t let it distract me anymore. I won’t just flip on my phone and automatically touch the Facebook or whatever else icon – just because. I don’t want to do things ‘just because’ anymore. Really. It’s just so uselessly draining. It is accumulative drainage of mind and soul power – because distraction is like noise. It is not a loud noise, but it’s a nagging noise that just disrupts your flow, hinders your listening, irritates your focus, you know what I mean. So I’m not going back to that useless noise for nothing. I’ve found real things in real life that touch my soul in a way so deep, so full, so powerful, that I couldn’t go back to the fleeting things. The fleeting things are not bad, they are just that – fleeting. I want so much more. I’ve tasted the ‘more’, and I want more of it.

The ‘more’ that I am talking about is God. He is my ‘more’. He is my all. He is not fleeting. I want to be part of His plan. I don’t want to make my own plans and go to God as if he were a genie-like being or a gum-ball machine. I go to God because he is my Father, my closest confidante, the igniter of my visions. I want to be part of what He is already doing in so many people who are seeking him, all around the world. I don’t want the conventional existence. I want to live a real life in real life. I want to live the life He has called me to live. Nobody is going to stop me. Distractions will not deter me. I will fight. I will fail. But I will fight even as I fail. I will fight – because He enables me so.

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